Here’s one of those stories for the “there’ll always be an England” file:
A “maverick” shepherd who deployed his wayward sheep to intimidate his neighbours received a suspended 16-week prison sentence today for breaching an Asbo [anti-social behavior order, for you Americans] that banned the flock from the village. Jeremy Awdry, 60, described as a “forceful character”, was deprived of his ancient right to graze sheep in Bream, in the Forest of Dean, Gloucestershire, after sheep were reported in gardens and damaging fences. The 500-strong flock was “used as a means of intimidating or causing difficulty for people he had reason to fall out with”, prosecutor Brendon Moorhouse told Gloucester crown court.
There’s so much to love here: the gang of menacing sheep, the perfection of the phrase “deprived of his ancient right to graze sheep in Bream, in the Forest of Dead, Gloucestershire,” but mostly the image of “Jeremy Awdry, 60, described as a ???forceful character,’” trying to explain to all the other prisoners on the block what he’s in for. Where, exactly, does “intimidating with sheep” put you in the British prison hierarchy? It’s almost a pity that the sentence was suspended. Given the description of Jeremy Awdry and his ???forceful character,’ I suspect he’d quickly have found a new career as boss of some prison gang, getting the residents of C Block to graze the yard in a way that strikes terror into the hearts of all those murderers and drug dealers. You’ve got to put the fear of dog into ???em.
As for the movie, I’m thinking James Cromwell as the shepherd (I hear James Gandolfini isn’t available), Hugh Grant as diffident but charming prosecutor Brendon Moorhouse, and Julia Roberts as the beautiful American reporter who breaks the story, along with poor Brendon’s heart.
Oh, and Gromit as the judge.
Have your people call my people. We’ll do lunch.