A Verse Digest of P. T. Barnum’s The Art of Money Getting (1880)
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SELECT THE RIGHT LOCATION
be careful to select the proper location
they say it requires genius
to know how to keep a hotel
conduct a hotel like clock-work
provide for five hundred guests
yet if you locate in a village where there
is no railroad the location would be your ruin
do not commence business where
there are already enough to meet
demands in the same occupation
a case which illustrates this subject
London 1858
the penny shows
immense cartoons
wonderful curiosities
all for a penny
illustrious showman
extraordinary stories
bearded ladies
albinos and armadillos
better to believe it
than look after proof
begged to call our attention to wax statuary
the dirtiest and filthiest wax figures imaginable
what is so wonderful
about your statuary?
sir, these are not Madam Tussaud’s wax figures
covered with gilt and tinsel and imitation diamonds
mine, sir, were taken from life
look upon those figures
you are looking upon
the living individual
one labelled Henry VIII
looked like Calvin Edson
the living skeleton
everybody knows Henry VIII
was a great stout old king
that figure is lean and lank
what do you say to that?
you would be lean and lank
if you sat there as long as he
no resisting such arguments
let us go out
do not tell him
who I am
I show the
white feather
he beats me
he followed us to the door
seeing the rabble in the street
called out, ladies and gentlemen
I beg draw your attention
to the respectable character
of my visitors
I called upon him days after
told him who I was
you are an excellent showman
but you have selected a bad location
this is true, sir
all my talents are
thrown away
go to America
give full play to
your faculties
find plenty
in America
two years in New York
then to New Orleans
traveling show business
during the summer
to-day he is worth sixty thousand dollars
because he selected the right vocation
and also secured the proper location
the old proverb says
three removes are
as bad as a fire
when a man is in the fire
it matters little how soon
or how often he removes
Money Getting, Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV
Money Getting is a verse digest of P.T. Barnum’s The Art of Money Getting (1880)