1. As you will most likely not have an office, it’s wise to learn now how to pitch a sturdy tent or erect a yurt.
2. It also helps to actually start to live in it because of the pay.
3. You can always run a class-wide fundraiser to get you through the rest of the semester. Students love that sort of thing.
4. Since you probably won’t receive your ID until at least mid-semester, I like to make my own. I draw a stick figure of myself smiling nervously and pointing over and over at scribble on a board as my students sleep and text.
5. When a student is clearly smarter than you, have them plan your courses. Then have them start teaching for you altogether, disguised as you. Tell them it will make it more believable if they nervous smile and point at the board a lot while the students sleep and text.
6. If you forget a student’s name, I find that “kind sir’ or “dear ma’am” works quite nicely. And, since neither your students nor the real professors will recall your name, I recommend a name tag with phonetic spelling. I often make my own: “Hey-Good” with a picture of me looking wistful with my cat.
7. Sometimes I add an illustration of the donuts and coffee I brought to class to make the students stop sleeping and texting…and love me.
8. It helps to bring a white noise machine or small radio into the bathroom stall with you (the one you share with your students) if you need to ugly cry before or after class time.
9. If you need to ugly cry during class time, I recommend assigning a “free write” to distract the students. In terms of what to play, I favor country music because it really gets to the heart of the matter. I often go with Hank Williams’ “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry.”
10. When in doubt, employ “digital humanities.”