Dropbox limit has been reached
Laptop battery dies
Internet goes down
House somehow already clean so nothing to distract from writing
People who ask how’s the novel coming along
People who ask “Have I read anything you wrote?” when they find out you’re a writer
People who say, “Oh, I have a book inside me” when they find out you’re a writer
People who offer to split the money 50-50 if they come up with the idea and you write the book
Submitting something without realizing you left Track Changes on
Receiving a cold form rejection from the journal that last sent a personal and encouraging rejection
Coffee shortage
Wine shortage
Cat shortage
Any pants that aren’t yoga pants
Library doesn’t have the book you want
Library is closed
Library is haunted
Being 500th person on hold for the library book you really want to read and yet are unwilling to just buy
The price of hardcover books
Running into owner of favorite independent bookstore while carrying a shopping bag from Books-a-Million
Writing in public, where anyone can see your pained facial expressions as you come to terms with your shitty draft
Shitty drafts
Shitty completed manuscript
Angering the barista by nursing a single cup of tea for eight hours as you write
Trying to locate someone in the café with a kind face so you can ask them to watch your laptop while you run to the bathroom
A stranger reading what you’re writing over your shoulder
All AWP hotels sold out; have to stay ten miles away in a crappy Airbnb
Getting lost in the AWP bookfair
Having panic attack in the AWP bookfair
Working a booth at the AWP bookfair
Being in the AWP bookfair in any capacity for longer than 20-minute stretches
Going to a panel at AWP only to find the author you most wanted to hear canceled last minute but you’re already there and feel bad about leaving and then the panel is terrible
Every Q&A session after every reading ever
A stranger asking for a referral to your agent
Accidentally sending that whiny, anxiety-ridden email to your agent instead of your writing friends
Unable to convincingly lie when asked, “Have you read [important book/classic piece of literature you should have read years ago/acquaintance’s book]”?
Saying something clueless in an author interview
Too obviously trying to sound clever in an interview
Platforms—building them, having them, talking about them as if they are a tangible thing
Networking
Building your brand
“Brand”
The cover art for your forthcoming book makes you weep, and not in the good way
Publisher changes your novel’s title to something that “pops”
A novel way too similar to yours debuts on the bestseller list
Asking for blurbs
Asking for blurbs and no one says yes
Asking for blurbs and the author says yes and now you have to actually turn over your book to this brilliant person
Receive a publishing offer but no advance
Tiny advance
Huge advance, but then the book doesn’t come close to selling out and career is ruined
Bad reviews
No reviews
Good reviews on Goodreads, but they’re all transparently from your family
Family assumes your novel is autobiographical
Being destined to become a midlist author
Realizing the midlist doesn’t really exist anymore so the options are either massive overnight success superstar or nothing
Agent leaves industry
Editor leaves industry
Your publisher consolidates/closes/vanishes and your book is canceled/orphaned/erased
Sea levels rise earlier than predicted, covering New York in water just before your book launches
Take a comma out during revision, then put it back in, then take it out again. Repeat into infinity.