Forest of Feelings

I’m worried about my daughter’s vagina. At her birth I hold and nurse her for twenty minutes before I realize I haven’t seen it yet. “Has anyone confirmed she’s a girl?” I ask the room. This is a home birth. This is a bedroom. Aside from my husband, there are no other men present; it’s me, the midwives, my friend, my sister, and my mother. We have vaginas and opinions about them. I laugh and unwrap the receiving blanket. My baby’s vagina looks swollen. It’s not a demure baby vagina. I feel bad, but no one seems worried, so I try to hide my feelings.

I remember my son’s testicles were really swollen at birth. Like a big (little) red hot air balloon. I wasn’t worried about them.