Never begin with “Head east along Lafayette Road.” East to us recalls the states Imo, Enugu, Anambra, Abia, Ebonyi, Cross River, Rivers, Akwa Ibom, Bayelsa, Benue, and parts of Kogi. In fact, the entire country of Biafra. The short-lived nation that broke away from Nigeria in 1967 and was starved into submission in 1970. It calls back the “diet money” scheme. Small fortunes saved by Biafrans in Nigerian banks shrinking — at the end of a civil war — through government magic, into twenty pounds per depositor. Always say Trigger warning before Head east. Also, we couldn’t find east by looking at buildings. That’s sorcery.
“Head north for a few blocks.” Are you kidding? You’re just pointing in the air and saying north. North could be anywhere. We’re not compass-wired like Joe Blow from the Guugu Yimithirr tribe. Nigerian cities are not cast on a grid system. We think of hilly country and potatoes when we hear north. We see visions of a durbar. Horses dripping with double rainbows. Fura di nunu, and a dozing patriarch crosslegged under an avuncular neem tree. North recalls a dusty, dry wind. And dust does not exist in America. (Unless you own a leaf blower.)
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